Try Again…

You already taken the first step. The next shouldn’t be that hard after all. Don’t you dare doubt your abilities. Don’t you dare back out on me now. Its not your thing. You weren’t a coward to begin with and nor will you be. Making a change is inevitable. Its beyond your control. You got nothing to lose except your precious time but its all in a good cause. Haven’t you learned already that stupid damn pride of yours wouldn’t get you the happiness you so long for. It’s time! it’s been long over due so let it go! You two can both play that game but in the end does it really matter? i guess not! You know from the start what you need to do so do it now before it was too late..Don’t think just act and let your marshmallow heart of yours do the guiding!

 

curse..could it be possibly true???

On my way home i had a weird conversation with the taxi driver. Actually it wasn’t weird at all its just he startled me. Out of nowhere he asked me Neng bakit parang ang lungkot mo yata??(why do i looked so sad??) im used being called ma’am or ms but never neng. I mean at my age who would have thought that im still a neneng..He probably thought im just 20 plus something lady so i guess i should take it as a compliment and be flattered about it or maybe that’s what he usually call his lady passenger “neng”. Then i remember saying di po and he suddenly reply ah gutom ka siguro noh? (maybe you’re hungry?) and when i told him No, i already had my dinner with my berks before going home medjo pagod lang (just tired that’s all). He asked me where do you work? and i told him at a construction firm and then we talk and talk and came up with the same conclusion that our government is famous for corruption and no matter where agency you are dealing with they’re all the same. You have to give them an advance money or more common as SOP before they tend to your needs or before they do any of your bidding. Its a sad reality but the fact remain the same that its a reality that most of us often face with especially if you often deal with government people and we couldn’t help it. Maybe because were a developing country and corruption is a common practice in a developing country like us or simply its really how our system works. The taxi driver who drove me home said he used to work in malacanang. He acknowledged the fact that its a kind of virus that is difficult to cure or remove. Were immune to it that we already think that its okay even if  the truth is its really not okay!! We tolerate it cause we don’t know how to deal with it. How can you fight a system that can be bend. Like an air we breathe, an oasis in a desert that we couldn’t live without.Not an appropriate word to describe corruption but for those people in our government agency who live and breathe with it that’s exactly the word for it. Its their own private oasis. When and how  it would stop? That i really don’t have an answer. All i know is it takes an extra ordinary man to change the system. You’re probably thinking what it’s got to do with my title post? Well before the driver interrupted my train of  thought maybe im probably really looked sad that moment in time. Its because i was suddenly thinking of the curse or rather the family curse the demanding queen once told us during a family gathering that she believed that’s already happening and i was asking my self is there a possibility to it that it could be true?? is it really already happening..well there’s no use thinking about it.curse or no curse all i know is you make your own destiny in life and no amount of curse can ever change that..but what i do believed is karma and not on some kind of curse..:)

 

easier said than done..

 

As a semtimental fool as i am and more often than not you could have easily persuade me to do more of your bidding if you just  know which button to click. Im not as hard as you think i am. A simple smile could easily win me over or even a cup of coffee could do the trick especially in the morning. Im maybe difficult but not that difficult if you just tried even harder. I already wasted a lot of my time making demand for myself to be the perfect human being as possible and maybe it wasn’t worth it..not a single of it!! I wouldn’t dream of wasting another precious of my time thinking of what could have been or what it might been if my stupid pride didn’t get in the way. As the page of your book finally come to an end so does a great love story thats already been long finished before it even starts.  But just so you know it isn’t  too late to try and make it possible. Knowing that your heart were on the right track destiny simply couldn’t stand a chance..

 

valentine’s day..another chick flick movie..=)

feel the magic of love again..

Another stellar hollywood  ”A” lister will hit the big screen come february 12 next year. As i am doing my usual stuff checking the www for some latest buzz on my fave celebrity. It came to my attention that there was actually a new Julia Roberts movie with the title ”VALENTINE’S DAY” that will hit the big screen by february next year. I must admit im a closet Julia Roberts Fanatic hehe…

Ever since i watched her spectacular performance in  ”Pretty Woman” by playing the role of a beautiful  hooker name Vivian Ward co-staring the dashing hollywood gigolo Richard Gere as a rich ruthless business man name Edward Lewis who hires a prostitute as an escort and in the process falls madly in love with her. Kinda modern day cinderella finally finding her prince charming on the street of hollywood. And what about that famous ”NOTTING HILL” movie which she’s also been famous for. The world famous Anna Scott who falls inlove on an ordinary bookshop guy with an extra ordinary heart name William Thacker. From the street of hollywood boulevard up to the brit upscale notting hill love find its way..

And who would have forgot the famous Maggie Carpenter and Ike Graham and the famous running shoes in “RUNAWAY BRIDE” always a bride but somehow never made it on saying the word I DO. A country girl next door who doesn’t know what kind of eggs she likes. And then there was the famous Julianne Potter and Micheal Oneal and ofcourse the very famous gay George in the movie  “MY BEST FRIEND’S WEDDING”. A woman who would stop at nothing just to stop her best friend from marrying someone else. And then there  was George who would do everything that made her realized what true love is really all about. Last but not the least was the “ERIN BROCKOVICH” movie which i totally forgot what it is all about but never the less won her first Oscar Award for a female lead role. From the creator that  brought you the famous ”PRETTY WOMAN” and ”RUNAWAY BRIDE” movies comes another Garry Marshall movie that im pretty sure that would definitely put your mood into valentine’s fever even if its only the month of november simply by watching the teaser trailer which i happen to saw in you tube.  I checked the trailer and i was trilled that it got a whole bunch of famous celebrity on it ofcourse with no less than Julia Roberts itself.

I sure hope that the movie is way much better than the trailer.Okay so i been expecting alot on this movie since its been such a long time since i watched a julia roberts chick flicks movie..

 

Your Song (birthday song)

I wasn’t a huge fan of sir elton john, never have been and never will be. But needless to say it doesn’t change the fact that his a music genius and i have respected him for that. People could say all the bad stuff about the man for simply having an implacable temper or for having an armalite voice that can cut through your heart with no remorse whatsoever base on what i heard or what i read in the newspaper. I really don’t know him.I really don’t have the slightest idea about the man he was or the man that he is. All i know is he happen to  sang one of my favorite song. The song “YOUR SONG” . If you must think about it. Its kinda goes down to the category of birthday song. I don’t know why but for some reason i think of it as a birthday song. There were alot of version of this song. First ofcourse is the original version by elton john. I must say not your favorite kind of voice but it weren’t that bad either.

Not that i don’t like his voice its more likely that its not my cup of tea. Frankly speaking his voice is better than fine but not that fine for my own ears. Well they say that the original version is much better than the revival but i must disagree on this one. I find the other version much amusing for my hearing. I say his ten times a better song writer than a singer. Ofcourse its just a matter of perspective not that i want you to agree with me. Why would i ever do that!

Then there is this version by ronan keating with elton john. Wasn’t that bad either but it kinda rough and that there is something about it that’s lacking. Somehow you don’t get the feel of it. What the song really trying to convey.

And then there it was the ewan mcgregor version and you now  know in your heart everything seems perfect. Finally!!! everything seems crystal clear and you finally get to feel the true meaning of the word.  Not that ewan mcgregor had a bed room voice that would swept you off your feet. Its nothing like that at all. Its the way on how he sings the song that made the difference. I don’t know maybe because his a much better actor or maybe its just the way it is. When you get down to it. Who cares??? all i know is i love ewan mcgregor version much better and you couldn’t do a single damn thing about it. 

 

a dream to be…

Suddenly i see myself walking towards the path of life called singleton. Its a very dangerous reality but needless to say definitely a nice astounding wake up call.Where did that those words came from?? I was never good in words. I must admit during my youth i had dreamt of becoming a poet but words were simply hard to came by with someone like me. I am a much better accountant than a poet and maybe a much better singer as well, says who?? well says myself!! hehehe… Im terrible with words. I often made a mistake and couldn’t distinguish the used of past and present tense. That’s probably the true reason why i stick my nose with numbers and became one of those old boring accountant because with poetry i simply doom to failed. That’s why im often admired DJ’s or anybody who works in advertising industry cause i know that they’re a much better speaker than me. I envy the fact that they perfected the craft that im so dumb of. Okay not really that dumb but not that pitch perfect either.I hate it that i can excel on something but not on other things like  learning on how to play the guitar. Last year i enrolled my self on a guitar lesson. Its something i been so wanting to do but since i haven’t got  the time of the day i put it on hold for quite sometime. But last summer last year i finally did it. At first i thought its really easy, a piece of cake only to realized it wasn’t.

All my life is changing everyday/ every possible way/and all my dreams/ is never quite as it seems/never quite as it seem/and then i open up and see/ the person falling here is me/a different way to be..

Then reality hit me just because i can easily perfected on something doesn”t mean the same goes with the others. Some people may have the skills but not me, never to me..You know what they say you simply couldn’t have the best of both worlds. Why am i making this??only god knows why or only my provebrial hearts knows why..

 

 

wishful thinking…

Phone and internet connection if finally back thank goodness. Checking my  blog again…sighed…tapping ..tapping…mind wondering somewhere else for I don’t know how many gazillion minutes or so. For the past 4 days the house has no phone and internet connection to connect me to the outside world, no thanks for santi for that one. Since there is nothing to do and I’m not in a mood to go out and mingle or catch up with my reading or clean my stuff or even listen to my favorite brand of music. Yeah yeah I am that boring. So normal so predictable so plain and too good old boring..…I guess that’s what unmarried person usually do when they get tired of going out and hanging out with friends. They go home and shut themselves with the outside world and just be alone for awhile. I did what I used to do when I was still a teenager. When things aren’t that complicated. What I often do when I don’t have answers on something. I indulged myself with movies. I did a movie marathon and wasted a few hours of my precious time and bored my self to death with those sappy happy ever after scenes that only happen in movies which by the way is not good for my self esteem. I can’t believe I watched 5 movies in one sitting.

                      The Greatest Movies of All Time (The Classic)

As I watched Gone With The Wind last night and pictured myself as Scarlett O’Hara. Can it be possibly true that I would end up like her a self-centered woman who only cared nothing but herself and don’t know what a good thing is until it was too late and you feel sorry for her but you know that she truly deserved it or that Made of Honor movie where you’re afraid to take the next step cause you feel like you don’t have a slightest shot in the world. That no matter what, he would never be in love with you the way you did.

 

The way you wanted it to be or that movie You Got Mail where you never expected to find love in the most unexpected places. A stranger in your eyes that fallen out of the blue but not in your heart, never in your heart. That somehow finally you found your hearts missing puzzled. Just like the songs said you could have been anyone at all but I was so glad it was you, so damn glad it was you. How lucky could you get!. Or that Casablanca movie where love isn’t the problem but the situation is or technically speaking the timing is. The right love at the wrong time. A parallel line that would never intertwined no matter what. And you’re smart enough not to wish for something that could never be but maybe somewhere in another lifetime but not on this one never in this one. And the only good thing that came out of it is that your love would always be there to last a lifetime. Not sensible but it does happen. Or that wonderful classic movie and I say its one of my favorite of all time, Sleepless in Seattle once beaten twice shy and afraid to try again cause you’re been in love with the dream that’s long been gone and couldn’t distinguish the difference between dreams and reality.

                           One of The Best Love Story Every Written

                                                  (destiny find its way)

 

Somehow destiny would play tricks on you and for the first time in your life you don’t know what to do. And the worst insanely but incredible sensible thing you ever did is you tried again because you could no longer control what you truly feel. What your hearts truly feel cause it’s much stronger than life it self. You put up with it not because you’re already tired of being alone but because you finally realized that there is nothing wrong of being happy. That there’s more to life than being in love with the dead person and that if don’t do it, if you don’t even try you know in your heart that you would regret it for the rest of your life. Like a force of nature some things are simply meant to be and you can’t help but fall in love and you know that it would be forever. For the second time love knocks at your heart and swept you off your feet and you’re too smart enough not to stop it from happening. Funny thing is how you compare yourself over some sappy movies. You found the perfect guy but the sad truth is that his not the perfect guy for you. You see the sign but it’s not for you to enter with. Am I making any sense? Probably not! Whatever the ending will be regret should be the last thing on your mind. You made your choice now stick with it or what the others usually say you made your bed now lie on it. Not everything is a bed of roses. Sometimes okay Its not sometimes probably always, I’m too good for my own peace of mind and i say too much..   

 

“Child at heart”

All of a sudden im inspired.What is it with this song that i find my self updating my lousy blog hehehe…Okay aside from its one of my favorite song.I always feel happy and content and somewhat serene everytime i hear this song.It inspired my soul and it gives me hope in some bizarre strangest way that everything will turn out fine in the end. Well alright its just not the song that inspired me lately.Its far better than that.Its that point in time that im finally getting acquainted with people that used to matter in my life. People that i used to cared about. People that used to know the deepness of my soul. People that used to be there but for some strange reason our path got lost along the way and now trying to rekindle the old friendship again..Yeah now im old enough to know what is right and what is it that would really make me happy and grab on to that happiness. Once used to be a child who doesn’t care not a single thing in a world is now finally an adult a lady with hope and aspiration to do what she think is best and would make her happy. If being single is her true destination in life so be it but if in some strange way the universe would finally look her way and suddenly find her self in the path of blessed married life..She will be more than happy to take it..As we face the uncertainty in life we face everything that’s on it..The good the bad the ugliness of it all and most of all the getting your heart heartbroken and fixing it to get back on the track. But one thing would always and forever be remain the same. You’ll always be child at heart with  a wish of happy ever after just like in all fairy tales… :) 

 

“some deja vu”

Woke up with one of strangest bizarre weirdest dream..I haven’t had a dream in awhile and i must say this one is one of the weirdest.First it did really woke me up and second of all the scene were all vivid its like watching a movie, some deja vu..I don’t often remember my dream but this one for some strange reason i did. Thank goodness its just a dream and not some nightmare. Since its just simple dream and not some nightmare i guess its okay to talk about it..The dream start with delle sleeping over in our old house..how weird is that??? and it was in our old house.. and then i see my self having a conversation with my older sister and one of my older brother over some piece of chocolate doughnut..im not sure what were talking about but our lips are moving so to speak but for some reason i couldn’t pick up the words.When all of a sudden the demanding queen arrived with some groceries on her hand  at the same time delle walk right infront of  us with a pillow at hand.Then the weirdest thing happen and this one i  distinctly remember.The demanding queen asked me Ilan silang magkakapatid? and i remember saying 6 and asking her WHY?????why does she want to know and instead of answering my question she just simply said bigay mo sa kanya ito ah went to pick up something and then i woke up not knowing want she wanted to give delle…How bizarre is that??First of all why do i dream of delle and the weird part is why do i dream of someone that isn’t part of a family and its not like we known each other on a personal level cause we don’t..Second why is that everytime i had some dream its always in our old house.What’s in our old house that its keep coming on my dream..is it some way of dad telling me that i forgotten about him cause it didn’t happen not for a single moment..or i simply missing something here that’s already right infront of my eyes.WHAT????great cosmic universe if ever you are listening do tell me,whats in our old house that often pop up in my dream??? Lastly WHY and WHAT is it that  the demanding queen wanted to give delle..Why would she give someone something when she don”t even know her.and why would she bothered asking those question.why does she care?guess i would never know..guess its nothing..it entails nothing.zero significance..

The first thing that pop up into mind the moment i woke up..Dont dream its over and its not even my favorite song..How weird i could get.weird dream with a weird song..some weird morning it is..

 

“Goddess Name”

 

I been checking the rushers forum and i found out some quite  interesting stuff and it hit me. I really don’t know or doesn’t have a single idea what my real name means. All i know is that its one of the random name the demanding queen picked up when she was giving birth to me. My name starts with the J cause all of my older siblings also start with the letter J and the demanding queen was very fond with the letter J so that goes with the technicalities why my name start with the J. And since im the youngest child i can’t agrue with the tradition. If the first born’s name start with the letter J then by all means the youngest child’s name should also start with the letter  J.And since there’s a certain rule in my demanding queen’s lineage about naming the child. If your first born name start with the letter W or E or J then all your childs name should start with the same letter as your first born. I have two tita on the demanding queen’s side. My first tita she named all her children that starts with the letter W- William,Wilfreda & Wilma (the twin), Wilmarie, Wilson, and the youngest Wences, actually all in all they’re 8 but i forgot the name of the 2 others. Talked about being first cousins and all hehehe..My second tita who also named all her children that start with the letter E-Egleser geez i forgot all their given name except their pet names and the fact that my second tita also have twins and besides all their names were difficult to memorize. But not all fall into places like the demanding queen wasn’t lucky enough to bear any twins unlike her two other sisters. So what my real name actually means. I search the world wide web cause im that curious what entails my name then i found out its origin is from a CORNISH form of WELSH name “GWENHWYFAR”      GWEN- means “FAIR, WHITE” and HWYFAR-means “SMOOTH”. In arthurian legend she was the beautiful wife of KING ARTHUR who engaged in adulterous affair with Sir Lancelot. Her betrayal of her husband with Mordred prompted the battle of Camlann, which led to the deaths of both Mordred and Arthur. So technically speaking my name might come from one of the folk goddess..Then i search some more then i found out this about my name. 

You Are Level-Headed and Trustworthy

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you. You never give up, and you will succeed… even if it takes you a hundred tries. You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It’s easy to get you excited… which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don’t stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings. You are able to be a foundation for other people… but you still know how to have fun. Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You’re always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can’t handle you. You’re very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you’re likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

I must say it perfectly described me. What a simple name could really made a difference. True to form im very intense and difficult to handle. Always ruled by my feelings and more often than not weigh down by my own emotions. So i guess that’s what denotes the name..

 

“30 years and still counting”

 

 

In just a couple of minutes, exactly at the stroke of might i’ll be officially a year older and hopefully also a year wiser hehe..It’s not often a lady turns 30 and still unmarried but seriously im not complaining. If you ask me right now what i been missing  at this moment. I would definitely say NOT  A SINGLE THING!!!!!.Im content, im happy.I have everything i could possibly ever need.An exceptionally great  friends with a very supportive and loving family and a lucrative career plus of course most of my officemate are my kumare and kumpare so tell me what more do i need.Tonight was like no other night. Tonight i feel so special and shocked beyond words.Really it did touched my heart.Tonight i asked all the people that matters to me to come and celebrate this wonderful occasion in my 30 years of blessed life to share a dinner with just a couple of people. I wasn’t really expecting it that they would really go out of their way to make it happen. Its was really something. Even the gesture were truly unbelievable. I wasn’t really expecting it at all or maybe at the back of my head i am but needless to say you guys were the sole reason why it did turned out extra special tonight. I know how busy you guys are and how important family life is but tonight it just didn’t showed. But what really touched me was that i know for the fact that some of you guys no longer drink or nolonger bother to take liqour on your system but just for tonight  and just because it is my birthday you guys endure a couple of bottle so that i feel in the tagalog “para lang di mapahiya”  and i mean i didn’t even bothered to coerce you guys into drinking it but you guys actually drunk all of it without raising an eye brow.It really touched me.It just show how important i am to all of you guys and that maybe i am really special hehe…No words can express how thankful i am.You guys really made my 30th birthday extra special and i don’t know how to thank all of you and even though we celebrated it a day advance..From the bottom of my heart THANK THANK THANK YOU GUYS!!!!! mwah…….. 

 

“Man in the Mirror”

 

         ” You can make a change.Well we all could.That’s if you really give a damn”

Its been a wonderful week so far. Nothing seriously major happen. No life threaten event or any of that matter. In fact its been an exultant week. With everyone you love and value the most were all safe and in good health. You’re just plain happy. Nothing else matter than this moment in your life. Selfish as it may seems but you just seize the moment and absorb this wonderful feeling wishing it would last forever. Doesn’t care in the world if your not rich as a midas or doesn’t have enough money in your bank account to renovate your old parents house or didn’t have enough spare change to give to those unlucky people on a dangerous busy roads begging for some spare change. Sadden with the realization that your helpless to help them. That you live in a place where corruption is already an everyday life, a survival thing in the human race. And even if were the leading catholic country in asia or the only catholic country in asia still it didn’t change the fact that were also the most corrupt country while indonesia on the other hand weren’t far behind. No matter how much you love your country changing it wouldn’t happen overnight. Not when you don’t have the power or the voice to make it happen. I once read on a book that said “A CAR WITH OUT ANY DENTS IS LIKE A FACE WITHOUT ANY LAUGH LINE”   or “A COUNTRY WHO DIDN’T GONE TO ANY WAR IS  A COUNTRY WITHOUT ANY HISTORY” according to somebody. But what struck me the most is the sentiment in one of Michael Jackson’s song.  “IF YOU WANNA MAKE A WORLD A BETTER PLACE TAKE A LOOK AT YOURSELF AND THEN MAKE A CHANGE”   well said. You don’t need to go too far to make a change. All you need is face the mirror and then start from there.  If the change doesn’t start from you then where? or rather WHO? Granted its true that we can’t change a single country overnight and that goes the saying that “ROME WASN’T BUILD IN A DAY” but you gotta start somewhere if want some change. What the heck is wrong with me? I suddenly became patriotic hehe.. One thing is more clearer than any piece of diamond this world has ever have. You don’t need to be somebody to make a statement.Sometimes a  simple act of compassion is enough to make this place a better place not for everyone or for the world to see but perhaps for someone who needs it more than you ever know. Wow it just struck me.I did have a heart after all to make me feel this way towards our country’s current situation. All it take is it start with one self and then maybe the rest would all follow.

    

 

“Let it Be”

 

Deeply moved by kris confession on the last few moment on the life of one of the greatest leader of democracy this nation has ever had. The love of a mother to her children and the love of a daughter and son to his/her mom. Watching her felt like reliving the not so distant past that i already buried gazillion years ago.Yikes..no need reliving those moment.Its one of those life moments that god throws on us and were not in any position to stop it from happening.Enough of that! On days like this there’s nothing  i want more than just cuddle on my bed and practically do nothing and ofcourse with my favorite brand of music on the side. In just barely 2 months and i will be officially a decade older that is if hell would freeze over and stop that from happening which i surely doubt would  happen any time soon hehe…Fate wasn’t that cruel.  Time flies when your having fun, for some i guess. No need to be nega today.

                     Sometimes the best that you could ever do is “LET IT BE”

God is been good with me, with our family lately or at least kind though i don’ t think i even deserved his kindness. But needless to say i am grateful. Lightning doesn’t strike twice on the same place and definitely not on the same person. Past is past and now is now and tomorrow is just a distance future that you couldn’t avoid from coming. What matter is today and what you want to do about it. Growing up and all i ever did was being a self-centered biatch. But i think i finally  learning to be that person i should be gazillion years ago. Took me forever to get there and kinda stupid on my part hehehe…but hey at least now im getting there, somehow someway. Sometimes we wandered and got lost along the way but it doesn’t mean we wouldn’t find our way back home. A kind of person that my parents would surely be proud of not that they weren’t  proud of me today of course they are. What i mean is even way prouder than they are right now on what i become. Life would teached you a lesson and its up to you whether to accept and learn something from it or not or saw it as a hindrance and would never acknowledge or do something about it. The greatest battle a person could ever  fought with is not by emerging victoriously but by learning to stand again with your heart on the right place after losing. Tragedy make us humble and pain put empathy to one’s heart.